Tæve : Punkrock's A Bitch!

By Jens

Danish punkrockers Tæve are truly a breath of fresh air (as foul as it might smell) in the otherwise crust-infected scene. What really surprised me is that no matter how fast-fucked-and-furious their sonic assault hits you, they are so fuckin' great musicians and their singer can actually carry a tune! They sorta reminds me of bands of the early 80s California punk mixed with several artists on Ripoff Records. And the lyrics, well, I guess you've to be Danish get their hilariously rude songs about PC punx, bacon, sex and insanity. The name Tæve translates to 'Bitch', so you probably guessed they're not a bunch of clean cut straight edgers hoping for a better world, haha. Tæve consists of Rasmus (guitar), Garbus (guitar), Jaques (drums), Morten (bass), and singer Mads who was kind enough to answer my silly questions with the most gentleman-like grace and dignity.

LC: Tell me about "Mads Turbator & The Cuntsucking Cannibals", a pre-Tæve outfit?

Mads: We started out in 2001 and we tried to figure out the name to fit the best band on this planet. At that time we where into bands like Motorhead, Mentors, GG Allin, Antiseen, D.R.I., Cryptic Slaugther, The Dwarves, Skurk, Early Beastie Boys, Black Flag..etc. We really loved the drunk & aggressive attitude in punk rock & hardcore. We were fed up with PC idiots doing nothing, but wiping their own asses & talking about animal rights while wearing leather jackets, all a bunch of "knowitalls" telling you how to eat, think, shit & fuck and so on. We just wanted to be ourselves, play punk rock, and not pretend to be something we're not. We wanted the lyrics to be in our own kind of language, about things from our stupid suburban nightmare. After all we're just a bunch of farmer boys, raised by boring horses, so we know how to start up a good fire..YIP.

LC: You sing in Danish instead of English, why?

Mads: We are actually from Japan, but we like Denmark and pork. So we decided to make a Danish band.

LC: What are your musical inspirations, you do The Dwarves' "Backseat Of My Car" live?

Mads: Our inspirations spread from black metal to easy listening, but punk rock of any kind must be the main source of inspiration.The Dwarves are an obsession for 70 % of the band, and that's the main reason for doing that cover.

LC: Any PC punks been uptight about "Du Får Ikke Fisse" ("No Pussy For You")?

Mads: Some folks gave us bullshit about our bandname, song titles and so on, we've actually been labelled as Nazis, homophobic, homosexuals, communists, sexists and in general just evil doers by ignorants, so we're used to it..why care about them? We don't. Just keep in mind: There's no pussy in licking peoples assholes!!

LC: Henrik of Columbian Neckties produced some of your earlier stuff?

Mads: That's right and it's going to be released on 7" soon, it's gonna be a real KILLER.more info about that later.He's a really nice guy and we had real good time during the recording & mix. Henrik remember, strong beer kills!

LC: The guy who produced the new 5 tracker, "Homocore aus Dänemark", hasn't done punk rock before?

Mads: He actually made a Tæve recording in 2003 known as "Den Første", but punk rock wise he's only done Tæve.

LC: You really like vinyl records ("Vinyloman")?

Mads: We must admit that we are addicted to vinyl. Some members are insane collectors. If you buy records for 1500- 5000 kr. each month you have serious problem. If you want another mans record collection so bad that you plan to kill him - you have a real problem. Yep, we love that sweet taste of vinyl. Did you know that vinyl is a "non-vegan" product???? So sell us all your SXE records cheap, so we can get rich on E-bay, you cruel animal molesters.

LC: I saw you guys supporting Poison Idea earlier this year, that Jerry A. is quite a character?

Mads: He's a big crying baby, he actually tried to fuck with us, but he just started to whine when he got some of his own medicine.BoooHooo. Poison Idea are fucking great anyway, but he IS the biggest baby we've met.

LC: Mads, you also play drums in Real MoneyMakers, they're quite different from Tæve?

Mads: Yes and Morten plays the guitar. We wanted to make music for a living, so we had to start a pop band with nice and sweet harmonic rhythms.We're big fans of 60's beat, surf & garage punk, but we couldn't make it fit with Tæve, so we started MoneyMakers. We're actually going on tour this summer; we're getting paid in diamonds & pearls from sea animals.

LC: Describe the personalities of Tæve members?

Mads: Ok, Rasmus is the drunkest of us all, the most tolerant & the hardest cum shooter in the band, maybe even in the world (4 - 5 meters). Ooops he also plays guitar like a red fox on fire. Jaques are very fond of candy, black metal & loves to drink coffee & watch gay porn with his lover, hits the backbeat steady like kangaroo on fire !!?! hmm again? Garbus are really close to be a dwarf, he's fucking everybody with his 15" crocodile on fire. He spanks the 6 stringed MANgina real hard. Morten are probably the most hostile, if you meet him drunk he's a real pain in the ass, bad temper, short fuse and a big smile.BOOM BOOM Bazist. Like a monkey on fire, without bananas on fire.Mads are the biggest animal in the zoo & he likes to beat up record store owners, Fat people in yellow shirts, kick metal dorks in their dicks, .he also likes to show his dick when drunk comes to brain'O. Yes sir! :
On fire, like the red baron of Djursland, on fire. Does use his throat, like a hyena on ice dragon.

LC: Do you get laid more after starting Tæve?

Mads: Nope, Garbus are the only one getting laid in TÆVE, but we love to show our dicks to Kasper from No Hope For The Kids, he's a hungry boy.

LC: What'd be written on your tombstones, and what songs are played at the funeral?

Mads: They may write: "Go to hell asshole" or "We love you fat fucker" or "young & "Dumb" or something like that.maybe we'll never die???? We don't know about songs, why you want to know? You wanna kill us? We just make sweet music and we ain't dead yet, stupid question. We would love to play at anybody's funeral, we once played at a wedding, but they are divorced now. What a shame.

LC: What's your opinion of today's Danish rockscene compared to 10 years ago?

Mads: We don't like rockmusic from today. Everybody's crying in Danish "rock" today, listen to Saybia, Tue West, Kashmir & Tim C., these guys/girls need to exercise on drugs or maybe take education in mangina. Or maybe just stop playing horrible music.if not we'll slice them open like a dirty child. We don't wanna know, stupid question. AGAIN!

LC: If your grand kid asks you what Tæve was about, what'd you say?

Mads: "Shut up & keep sucking' "or "Don't do drugs" or "My best friend is a dog on fire" or maybe just the truth: "SCHNAPPS, BACON and MANGINA GALORE"

LC: Future plans for Tæve?

Mads: Staying drunk, getting fatter, try having sex and die. If you have the party we have the music for pleasure-dancing on fire

http://www.taeve.dk